All the world’s a stage and all the men and women are merely players. Shakespeare had it almost right. In actuality, on stage, the world can see all and men and women merely play skinny. On stage people can see every divot, roll, jiggle, and enough belly fat to have the Pillsbury Dough Boy’s agent calling to ask you to replace him once his contract with Pillsbury expires. To make matters worse, a stage involves a spotlight and usually photographs and video footage where if they have the camera angle just right, it can look like an audition tape for The Biggest Loser.
The good news is that there are things you can do to make yourself look skinny on stage and it doesn’t involve converting to the Islamic faith and adopting the burka… a plus-sized burka. There are several things you can do to look skinny and polished on stage:
- Disguise the arm flab. Unless you are Michelle Obama with killer arms, you might need to cover those triceps. You might find yourself thoroughly inspired and gesturing wildly on stage. Then looking back at the video footage of the event you see that your extra arm skin is flapping so wildly that the audience was waiting for you to take off at any moment. Unfortunately, Spanx does not make an arm bra, so you will have to disguise those arms by wearing a 3/4 length or full length sleeve or you can wear a jacket over your outfit. Sometimes a jacket is the preferable option because with thin fabric you can still see the movement of your under-toned arms.
- Disguise the belly. To disguise your belly fat, do the 8-minute ab workout… everyday… starting a year ago. Don’t have a time machine, then I have one word for you, Spanx. All the super skinny celebrities you see on TV are wearing then, it is like steroids for women. It is not an unfair advantage if we are all doing it. If the Spanx are still not enough, then you can disguise the belly be wearing something that tricks the eye, like a wrap top or a wrap dress, or a top or dress that has some ruching in the midsection. Also take photos from the front, no side photos.
- Disguise the booty. If you are so bootylicious that Beyonce would need to add another 5 minutes of lyrics of the song to include you, then you definitely need a way to disguise the derriere. Keep your bottom half in dark colors and draw attention up to the upper half of your body. Accessories, metallics, and bright colors are great to accent your upper half.
Gluing a full length photo of Gisele Bündchen to the front of your body is one way to appear skinny on stage. However with this strategy, there will be several guys with large butterfly nets standing stage left ready to cart you off to a ‘facility’. How to be skinny on stage is achievable with some simple tricks of the trade to minimize your problem areas. With any luck, your on stage performance will leave you energized and confident and you won’t end up a Shakespearean tragedy.
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